Ugh, my Calc III class just dragged on and on and on today..... You know you're counting the days when hours last eternities.

I can't wait for the beach. Damn. I miss it. I miss the waves, I miss the sun, I miss the noise, I miss relaxing. I don't miss tests and homework and day-to-day bull$hit that college has to offer. The same $hitty food. And if the food is good, it's only because high school students are touring. And then they make up for it by making dinner extra crappy. Everything would be full of onions or mushrooms, things that I do not like. Especially the damn mushrooms. Ugh. Don't give me crap that I should try them and give them a chance- I have. And I have concluded that I hate them. I am allowed to dislike food. Anyways, back to summer and the beach. I wandered there for a little while. My brain just likes to get sidetracked, probably because I have the memory fo a goldfish. OK, there I go again. Back to business. Hopefully, Katie will be able to come down to California during my week at the beach. That would be awesome.

So who all reads this anymore? I feel like sometimes no one gives a damn. I'd like to know if I still exist to some people.

Out.  ¶ 11:56 PM

  15. Say no more.

I guess I have a confession to make here. I listen to country music (as before), oldies (as before), so Idaho did nothing to me there. I already listened to the Okie music and I already relived the past, so it's not like those are new habits. But something else is and that is rock. Punk and hard (if Nickelback can be considered hard). And I have Katie to thank. Just a quick summary of some of the bands I now own:
-All American Rejects
-Blink 182
-Eve 6
-Everclear
-Good Charlotte
-Greenday
-Maroon 5
-Nickelback
-Simple Plan
-Starting Line
-Weezer
-Yellowcard
So I guess a little variety has done me some good. But don't any of you guys get any ideas of Rico listening to rap (on his own or owning a CD of it) because that will never happen.

You're the slang word 'nigga.' Everyone and everything
is one. Please use carefully!


Which slang word r u?
brought to you by Quizilla
I thought Alex would probably enjoy this quiz. LOL.

Out.  ¶ 11:59 PM

  What If?
If hate is allowed to incubate,
And everything is destined to fate,
Then hope and reason may be too late.
If desire can overwhelm the mind,
Actions won't necessarily be kind,
And friends could be lost and left behind.
If love overruns a person, consuming them,
Then they are willing to risk life and limb,
Even if their hope of success is dim.
If reason were to overrule us all,
Man would explain away the large and small,
And the mysterty of the unknown would fall.
If moderation becomes our way of life,
We could minimize harmful emotions and strife,
And be able to put down the gun and knife.

Well, class sucked ass today, but at least my lab ended about an hour early. So there was a bright spot.

Out.  ¶ 4:40 PM

  OK, it's windy as f*ck here today. My hair moves in the wind and when my hair moves, it's too windy. My eyes are dry and my contatcs are all scratchy. Ugh.

I just took a Chem test. I think it was really, really easy. I hope so anyways. The practice test was soooo hard and then the real test was easy. Oh well, I'm glad I studied though. There was some stuff that I wouldn't have known if I hadn't studied.

I have class from 9 to 5 today with one 1 hour break. Right now, I'm in between classes, typing on a computer near my next class.

I sunned myself yesterday. I think I got a little color, as much as I can get in Idaho anyhow. Oh well, I'll just have to wait until I get back in California to seriously tan.

Out.  ¶ 10:53 AM

  Sixteen days left until summer!!!

¡¡¡Dieciséis días se fueron hasta verano!!! (Spanish)

Seize jours sont partis jusqu'à l'été!!! (French)

Zestien dagen gelaten tot de zomer!!! (Dutch)

Sedici giorni hanno andato fino all'estate!!! (Italian)

Дни 16 не выйти до лета!!! (Russian)

Sechzehn Tage verließen bis Sommer!!! (German)

Δέκα έξι ημέρες που αφήνονται μέχρι το καλοκαίρι!!! (Greek)

Dezesseis dias sairam até o verão!!! (Portuguese)

Seksten dager forlater til sommer!!! (Norwegian)

I'm sorry to waste your time on this. What the hell was I thinking?

Out.  ¶ 12:37 AM

 
I added 7 weird pictures. I'm sorry. I don't know why I think some of these are cool, but I do.

I got an 89 on my last Calc test. Not bad and much, much better than I had thought. I might be able to pull off an A- in that class if I do well on the final. *Fingers crossed.*

I have a Chem test tomorrow. Ugh. My last test until finals week.

After the end of school, I will be spending a week in Boise at Katie's house. Yay for good food! Yay for spending time with Katie!

Out.  ¶ 10:37 PM

  WARNING: THIS IS A STRANGE POST
OK, I wrote this awhile ago, but I always lacked the motivation and energy needed to type it in. It's a little weird and it's not my usual kind of writing, but that's OK. I like it. Yes, you read that right. I complimented my own writing. Sad, but oh well. Anyways, it's kind of my response to the crap we were discussing in Philosophy about whether God exists or not and whether He can control everything. I said no, obviously, knowing me (slighty atheist- just a pinch). And here's my somewhat sarcastic, somewhat funny, somewhat serious reply to that Philosophy discussion:

Damn That Remote Control

I think there is a giant remote control, one that is set so as to control each individual human. Maybe each human comes with his or her own remote. That would make sense, since each person is unique. So yes, they most likely have a unique remote with a unique signal. But who owns the remote? I don't think the person or thing holding the remote is God or anything divinely inspired. I just think that there is a giant remote control with some $hithead pressing buttons. Hell, it could even be a toddler.

Let's consider the power of some of the buttons. Fast forward, for example. Every time I fall asleep, it feels like someone presses "fast forward" and the day rushes to greet me. It always seems like I just feel asleep, just entered dreamland when my alarm goes off. Class is the complete opposite though. Time seems to lose the race to a turtle with a broken leg or a blind snail. I guess that would be the slow-mo button. Or maybe even pause. Tick-tock goes the clock.

If you are familiar with picture-in-picture in TV's, then this should work OK. PIP (picture-in-picture) would relate to the different little subplots of life. The different screens would be controlled by the remote and when it's time for one to be wrapped up, then that PIP is deleted and another channel (another subplot of life) is introduced. The main channel, the one with the most area devoted to it on the screen, would be the most important. If it was your wedding day, then getting married would be on that screen and your car payments and your poker game next week with the guys would be the PIP's (the subplots).

Deja vu could be explained by this. Programs like Tivo, where live TV can be paused, rewound, or fast forwarded, could give a sense of deja vu, since the remote would have the capability of stopping time and replaying some parts. This could be the reason why we get so confused when deja vu hits us, because we have no real idea of what's going on and it seems as if we're totally lost (and that's because we are, since we are controlled by someone else and we are basically their playtoy).

Not to be sexist, but the remotes would differ for each gender. Men might have about 20 buttons on theirs (a guy's remote needs all the basic functions and then one button called "group male stupidity"), but women are more likely to have about 100 or so (with no mute button in sight). It's true and you girls know it. I'm not being sexist, it's just that girls like to be more dramatic and complicated (in general, call it unfair if you must) than guys.

The power button is life and death. Life begins when someone presses "Power," but it ends when the same button is pressed for only the second time. End of everything. The whole thing relies on that one little button. Perhaps the reason why some people die very young, like in car accidents and such, is because someone dropped the remote and the power button was pressed prematurely.

I hate that remote. Why does time slowly erode during the torture of class when it runs, skips, jumps, and soars during the oasis of sleep? Why does deja vu have to hit us? Why must life end with such a simple press of a button? Why must we be controlled so easily? I wish the batteries would wear out of the damned remote. That way no one could screw with my life, my perception of time, my subplots, my nature, me. I want to stomp on that damn remote and banish its plastic components to the sulfuric, smoky, bubbling depths of that intangible placed known as Hell. Even though I want the batteries to die off, I don't want anyone to press "power off."  ¶ 12:28 AM

  I added three more pictures in addition to the 14 that I added yesterday to my Imagestation album. I got bored and took some weird pictures.

I finally finished reading The Stand, by Stephen King. Wow, 1141 pages. Good book, even held my attention the whole way through. And it's not like I had to spend all my days reading it either. It's a pretty quick and easy read.

Out.  ¶ 4:50 PM

  Green and Blue
Opposing green and blue,
Other colors can ring true,
But those are the main two.
The sun searing the sky,
Wind letting out a sigh,
No clouds about to cry.
Birds sing, chirp, and call,
No sign or whisper of fall,
Time only seems to crawl.
Fragrances float in the air,
Infusing themselves in hair,
Without knowledge or care.
Warmth encompasses the land,
Filling gaps and crevices and
Even heating every grain of sand.
The unhappy are very few,
Cheered by the brilliant hue,
Opposing green and blue.


Dirge
Sing the dirge,
Let emotions purge
And tears surge.
Body, earth merge,
Depression an urge,
But life burgeons.


Out.  ¶ 4:14 PM

 
I added 14 new pics. Check it out. They're the last 14 on the album.

Katie and I went to the zoo today. That's where some of the pictures are from. They have bears, big cats, and other stuff there. Most of the animals were dead asleep while we were there. The raccoon never moved, along with the porcupine. Lazy SOB's. The bears did move, but mainly just to take a leak. Apparently, bears like to piss while standing up and putting their forepaws over their heads. That's what the bear is doing in that one pic. We also got to see a lynx eat a bunny rabbit. Yummers. He ripped the fur off and then ate the innards. Mmmmm....that's good bunny Fu-Fu.

The countdown begins:
18!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Days until the end of school, that is. 26 or 27 days until I'm back in California

Out.  ¶ 12:28 AM

  I apologize to all the loyal readers who missed my almost daily posts. I got lazy. Eh.

I went to a concert on Friday night. Cary Judd was the guy's name. It was pretty neat. He played the drums, then just recorded it and played it over and over as he sang and played the guitar. Kind of like John Mayer. Then we went to Lava Hot Springs to relax in the hot springs. That always makes me feel really at ease and comfortable.

Yesterday, I ate out at a good Italian place called Buddy's. When we were in there, come people sat down next to us. OK, see, this place is really cramped and small, but it's good food. Well, apparently, my odors offended the people that were going to sit next to us and they moved the table about six inches farther from ours. Then, as they were about to order, they got up and moved to another table. Prissy sonsabitches. Too good to sit next to me.

Last night, Katie and I went to a play put on by the ISU theater department. It was entertaining. Murder-mystery kind of deal.

Stalked
It watches her. From the shadows or from the light, it can see her. From morning to evening and while she's asleep, lost in her dreams, it watches her and sees everything she does. It is there to hear and feel her soft breath caress the pillow at night. It's there when she goes to school, when she eats her meals. It knows what she is thinking, what she is doing. It knows her dreams, her desires, her likes and dislikes. It's always been there, always there for her. It knows when she lies, cheats, steals, or tells the truth. When she was happy, when she was sad, when she was mad, it was still there with her. It even knows when she brushes her teeth. It knows everything about her. Every little fact. And she is not even aware that she is watched, almost stalked, twenty four hours a day. She is almost oblivious to its presence. Almost. She can feel it once in awhile, when it is stronger. When it feels the need to show itself. But in general, it leaves her alone. She has had it when she wanted it and when she didn't want it. It is her best friend, her worst enemy. But it is not necessarily bad to be stalked from within, becasue "It" is her conscience.


Redneck Bear


Which Dysfunctional Care Bear Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla


Poseidon


?? Which Of The Greek Gods Are You ??
brought to you by Quizilla


obsessive compulsive


Which Personality Disorder Do You Have?
brought to you by Quizilla


Magister Mundi sum!
"I am the Master of the Universe!"
You are full of yourself, but you're so cool you
probably deserve to be. Rock on.


Which Weird Latin Phrase Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla


Ghost or spirit: You are a lost soul. Very calm and
sweet, you are often the one who asks: What if?
With a clever mind, you want to explore the
world on a different level. Without the
answers, you aren't ready to move on. You are
most likely very creative and find yourself
thinking things through on a different level.



**Where will you go when you die?**(now with pics)
brought to you by Quizilla

Out.  ¶ 2:03 PM

  Goddamn, goddamn, goddamn. I feel stupid today. I rushed this morning so I could pay a fee and make an appointment with the pharmacy advisor. And then I get to class to find out from the teacher herself that it's cancelled. Damn, damn, DAMN! I rushed for no reason at all. And I made Katie rush. So now I feel like a dick.

I mentioned a long time ago that I was working on a short story. Well, it's nearing completion. Yay! I wrote about a page in the last ten minutes and then Blogger f*cked up and lost it. So I still have what I started the day with, but my work of the last ten minutes is gone. AHHHH!!!!!!!

I am in the SUB right now and there's some weird thumping coming from the wall next to me. Sounds pretty rhythmic too. *Ahem*

I've been playing a different game lately. If you go to zylom.com and then click on "Cubis," you can too. It's pretty fun.

Out.  ¶ 9:26 AM

  My friends here in Idaho registered for classes today. Some got what they needed, some got screwed. Yay for being a junior and being able to register early.


You are a super Simpfonic, Simponic, Simpurfous,
Simpcontinite, Simpsoner.

You know what I am saying. You know basically all
you could know.

You know like everything.


So you think you know the Simpsons????
brought to you by Quizilla

Damn straight. I know my "Simpsons" trivia.

Out.  ¶ 1:13 AM

  I went to a movie last night called Bowling for Columbine. It's directed and such by Michael Moore. He takes a look at Columbine, 9-11, Lockheed Martin, and the NRA. He criticizes them and the people involved. Some of his points are good, yet he seems to fail to realize that hindsight is 20/20. I know that's really trite, but still. He picks apart the Lockheed Martin Corporation for making missiles. Well, damn, you know, unless we want to be the smallest kid on the block and get pushed around, we probably should have some missiles. I know that is simplistic, but hell, I'm simple too. And it's not like I want nukes for everybody and their brother. He also goes after K-Mart for selling bullets like the ones that were used in the Columbine shootings. That's pretty dumb to me. It's like the fat guy that sued McDonalds because he was fat. Ummmm.......hello, dumbshit. You stuffed your f*cking face with greaseburgers and now you're fat. Cause and effect. Somebody bought some bullets. That doesn't mean that everyone who buys bullets also goes on murderous rampages. Moore also attacked the US's actions against Iraq, like the bombing of cities. Well $hit, I guess it's a shame that the US removed a horrible dictator from power and saved the people from oppression and death. Moore seems to think that Canada is some kind of paradise, mainly concerning the health care system. But he fails to assess the fact that Canada is going to be f*cked in a few years, budget-wise. But, on the positive side, Moore did talk to Heston, and he asked Heston why he went to Littleton, Colorado, about one week after the Columbine shootings (Heston went there to promote guns and the NRA). This is a good point. Why would you do that? How could Heston be so insensitive? Anyways, it was an interesting documentary and I recommend it if you want to be pissed off about politics and/or hear someone preach to the choir.

On the funny side, on the way back from dinner, Katie and I saw two crows having hot crow sex. The crows were cawwing and screeching, and then one starting flapping and the other one squatted down. Then it looked like they were fighting, but no, they were having hot crow sex. Hahaha.

Out.

  ¶ 4:55 PM

  La Tormenta

The air was heavy and damp, mustiness infusing it. A warm wind swirled through the trees, causing them to whisper. Light failed to penetrate the ominous clouds, so the land was bathed by a murky darkness. A gentle rumbling cascaded down from the depths of the tumbling monsters in the sky. Pain began to pelt the land in sheets, drowning out all noise with the explosion of each rain drop on the ground. The noise gathered strength as the sky gained a more ebony tinge and the thunder seemed to jolt the foundations of homes and other buildings. Lightning flashes were the only source of illumination, since the sun had been vanquished from the sky. The town was swallowed by the rain and the massive clouds.   ¶ 4:50 PM

  No Conception of Feeling

No conception of feeling,
No mind is reeling.
Emotions fail to come,
Emotions cannot sum.
Numbness is there,
Numbness does not care.
Taciturnity is nothing to say,
Taciturnity is the way.
Small talk does not aid,
Small talk should fade.
Hope seems far away,
Hope, here, should stay.
Tears will not fall,
Tears, in eyes, stall.
No worry about me,
No numbness will I forever be.  ¶ 4:47 PM

  Apparently, my moods can change about as quickly as a girl's (during that "time"). Been happy and pissy today.

I had a Calc III test today. That did not go as well as planned. Damn. I thought I knew the stuff decently, but crap, that was harder than I was expecting. Crappy.

4/20 was today (technically yesterday). Oh boy. Wow. What a day to celebrate. I know some folks went out to smoke pot in honor of it. Well, they might as well be celebrating Hitler's birthday (one the most evil and horrible people ever to live) or Columbine (yeah, let's celebrate the death of some high school students). That sounds good to me. Let's honor the deaths of many people by lighting up. I'm sure those dead people appreciate the fact that instead of remembering them, people smoke weed. Dumb f*cks. Stupid, stupid, stupid.

I registered for classes today. Got in everything that I needed to. Yay. That's always a good thing.

Anyways, I'm going to bed.

Out.  ¶ 12:31 AM

 

Your True Nature by llScorpiusll
Username
The quality that most appeals to you:	Beauty
In a survival situation, you:	Fight, and enjoy it
Your hidden talent is:	Seeing the best in others
Your gift is:	A loving heart
In groups, you:	Play an organisational role
Your best quality is:	Your kindness
Your weakness is:	Your overbearing nature
Created with quill18's MemeGen 3.0!

So I thought that this was a quiz, but no. I felt stupid as hell. Nope, you just type in whatever name you call yourself. Rico= retard.

Out.  ¶ 1:49 PM

  HAHAHAHA!!! I saw something that brightened my day today on the way to class. Katie and I were walking down to class, down 6 flights on stairs. There's a dirt path that runs next to the stairs. Some guy was riding a bike on the path and he was hauling ass. Katie even said that he was going too fast. Near the end of the path, there's a huge rock in way and he had to swerve around it. I had hoped he would hit it. But no, instead, he went off this little jump thing by the last flight of stairs and landed badly. His bike tipped over and he smacked into the ground and hit his back on the fence that borders the bike path. HAHAHA. Some guy behind on the stairs was laughing audibly. I tried to contain myself at least. But we didn't get to see if he was hurt or anything, because he got up quickly and pedaled away. Ah yes, that brightened my day.

My Philosophy class was cancelled today, which is odd, since a paper was supposed to be due. So hey, an extra day is never a bad thing, even though I had mine done.

Out.  ¶ 11:32 AM

  Back among the land of the living and the homework-free. Yay. I wrote my English paper and my Philosophy paper this weekend. Fun times. Ugh.

Anyways, I played golf on Saturday with a guy from my chem class. Not a bad golfer, shot about 85 or so. I had 77, with two birdies. Rained for the whole first nine holes, which sucked ass. And this rain was a pretty cold rain too. I had to have my hands in my "special place" (yes, I know I sound like a 6 year old there, but that's better than saying that I had my hands on my nuts- oops, I guess I just did say that, oh well.......). At least it kept my hands warm for a little while. ;)

Today, I went with Katie to see Toy Story 2. About the 4th time I've seen the movie, but it's still good.

I've been hungry all weekend. I don't know what the deal is. I have 4 meals a day, with snacks too. I don't understand where it goes or how I can burn it off so fast.

Out.  ¶ 1:47 AM

  Going golfing today with a guy from my Chem class and his friend. Hope I don't suck ass like usual. But it's raining right now and there's supposed to be lightning and thunder later on. So we'll see how badly I can hack it up. Haha. Oh, this should be pitiful. I haven't practiced putting or chipping for so long. I mean, I've hit balls, but there's only so much that the range can do for you. Oh well. *Sigh*

Out.  ¶ 10:25 AM

  I'm sorry if you guys get sick of reading my weird stories. I get bored in class and today was no exception.

Eyes

Coarse, abrasive rope encircled his neck and his heart went into his throat. He was able to hear it thumping wildly. The noose tightened and he clenched his eyes shut.
He began to panic, and as the panic threatened to consume him, the noose loosened. Then it moved. He unclenched his eyes as he relaxed a little. Getting up his courage, he peeked one eye open, and then the other. The crowd was gone, the executioner was gone. Everything was replaced by a windblown, arid, isolated desert. Confusion and hope, intermingled, were the foremost emotions. Warm sand wriggled between his bare toes, the splintery wood of the platform gone. His hands were no longer bound, yet something still remained around his neck. Hesitantly, he reached up to touch the rope, which he found to be no longer coarse or abrasive. Instead, it was slick. He pulled on it and it slipped away from his neck easily. The color of it was similar to that of the rope, but a rope would go limp in his hand (and a rope would not hiss at him). This did. It took him a second to realize what it was. And by the time that synapse had fired, the snake had launched itself at his face, fangs bared, dripping with the deadly venom. He shrank away, expecting to be bitten by the snake, but the strike never occurred. The snake was frozen in midair, defying gravity. Letting out whimpers of gratitude, amazement, and terror, he backed away from the snake. His back foot lost traction and he tumbled backwards, rolling down the massive sand dune. Sand filled every orifice in his body, suffocating him, surrounding him. His eyes darted shut instinctively.
The heat of the desert vanished, substituted by a pleasantly cool sensation that also filled every orifice, surrounding his body with the sensation. His opened shot open to a blurred world. An underwater world. He realized that he was totally submerged in water. As he began to paddle upwards, out of the darker water, towards the light, he felt a tug. Not a tangible one, but rather a shift in the water. It got stronger. He knew he was powerless to resist. It pulled him downwards increasingly rapidly, forcing his arms upwards and ripping his shirt off. The water rushed upwards and roared in his ears as he plummeted downwards. Expecting to eventually hit something and die, he shut his eyes.
The roaring continued, but his speed downwards no longer increased. He had reached a peak speed. Even though the roaring was still there, he no longer felt trapped or confined. It was extremely difficult to open his eyes, but once he did, he found he could see clearly. He could see the clouds. Within milliseconds, his mind told him he was free-falling, racing towards the rock called Earth. Panic no longer mattered. He simply was resigned to his death sentence. The clouds blinded him and he could see nothing for many moments. At last, he broke through the clouds and could see the land. Wind ripped and tore at his limbs as the earth rushed to meet him. Soon, he was only a few thousand feet above the ground. It looked somewhat familiar, for some reason. Time seemed to speed up and he accelerated towards a neighborhood, a house, a roof. He felt no pain as his body crashed through the roof, shredding it. His body landed onto a bed and debris sprayed everywhere in the bedroom. Dust and particles in the air assaulted his eyes and he was forced to shut them.
He could hear very faint music. It gradually grew stronger, stronger, stronger......
He reached over and turned off his alarm clock, wondering if he dreamed at all last night.  ¶ 3:19 PM

  OK, it's been a little while since my last real post.

I have been working on a Cell Bio lab writeup now for about five days. It is an absolute bitch. I ended up with 17 pages of text and graphs. What the f*ck? How can this foreign bitch of a teacher (she can hardly speak English) expect this from us? The directions say for a 5 page paper, in total. Bull$hit. There is no way in hell that I can fit a title page, an abstract, an introduction, materials and methods, results, charts, discussion, acknowledgments, and literature cited in 5 pages. That is impossible. The materials and methods alone was 5 pages, front and back. And this $hit took FOREVER. I guess this bitch teacher thinks that Cell Bio lab is my only class (lab is separate from the class). AHHH!!! F*ck biology. I have decided that it is the most useless subject ever. I am alive. That's all I need to know. F*ck the rest. No need for it at all. Who cares about subcellular fractionation and the assay of proteins? I don't give a rat's furry little ass. Anyways, I finished it up today. Thankfully. Done with Bio lab writeups for the semester. *GIVES THE FINGER TO CELL BIOLOGY!!!!!!!!!!!!!*

Well, it seems like everyone in my hall here needs to get stoned now. There was at least 5 people stoned off their asses last night. They had a little goddamn pow-wow in front of my door at 1:30 AM, when I was trying to sleep. Yes, I realize that 1:30 AM is not THAT late, but hell, I had lab at 8:00, which means I had to get up at 7:00. They had no right to be loud and obnoxious at my door. If they want to get stoned, that's their own deal. Not a good choice, but let them figure that one out. F*ck it. I won't stick my nose where it doesn't belong. But when they stick theirs where it shouldn't be, f*ck them.

I saw a weird thing today on my way to my Calc III class. I was walking by this one set of classrooms and a tone of middle-aged people came out. There was about an even number of men and women, all about 40 or 45 years old. They all looked normal and healthy and smart. But they were all carrying paper Easter baskets with little bunnies on the side. Then I noticed that there was about 150 plastic eggs covering the grass slope to the side of the sidewalk. These middle-aged people got all excited and rushed over and picked up the eggs, all smiling and happy and such. It was quite odd. It seemed like a game for a child or a mentally handicapped person, but these seemed like normal adults. What the hell? Weird.

I want summer. I want the beach. I want freedom to do what I want, not what some dumbass professor thinks I should do. I want my life back.

Out.  ¶ 12:18 AM

  I have some advice for you. If you ever get an urge to eat at Arby's, I advise the Italian Beef and Provolone. Mmmmmmmm......... Yummy. Very strong flavor, so that's why I got it today. About the only food I tasted all day really. I mean, I can get faint tastes from most things, but that sandwich was the only thing I truly tasted all day long.

I have a Chem test and a Calc test coming up next week. $hitty. I don't want to study anymore. Nevermore, quoth the raven. I love Edgar Allan Poe. I think he's a great writer. Maybe that's why I like to write about death and such. OK, wow, that took a weird turn. Somehow, tests morphed into creepy Mr. Poe. But anyways, if you've never read The Raven, by Poe, I think you should. It's a good one, and try to get into it. It can be a little creepy.

I'm thinking about trying to plan a beach trip for this summer for some weekend or something. Leave a comment if you're interested, if you have any ideas, or if you just feel like making a damn comment. Thanks........

Out.  ¶ 2:00 AM

  Mi Luz

Aún en una tempestad oscura, yo puedo ver la luz. A veces la luz es débil, a veces la luz es brillante. Es siempre allí. La bombilla nunca necesidades de ser cambiadas. No se funde. La luz señala el puerto para la tempestad, el puerto, la seguridad, el calor. Ella es mi luz, ella es mi puerto, ella es mi calor. Ningún asunto lo que hago mal, ella enciende todavía el sendero para mí y me muestra la manera. Yo la adoro.

Lo siento, yo estuve en a weird mood. I don't know why, but I felt like typing that in Spanish. If you're really curious as to what it says, then copy and paste it into a translator.

Adios.  ¶ 1:23 AM

  I guess I felt a little bit better today. Not a ton, but a little. Yay. Taste is slowly being regained. Food actually is starting to have flavor again.

I did have one of the grossest experiences of my life today. I was blowing my nose and instead of the snot going out my nose into the kleenex, it went down my throat and into my mouth. My mouth was literally full of that $hit. Ugh. So damn disgusting. I wanted to gag. Well, I just ran into the washbasin closet and spit it out. Sick stuff.

I think I kind of have my schedule figured out for next year. O-Chem, Microbiology, Anatomy and Physiology, English 110, and Medical Terminology. Fun $hit. Not really. Labs would go till 5 on two days of the week and then I would have microbio labs twice a week. Ugh. Damn. I also signed up to live in the dorms again, hopefully in the same room, in a single again. That would be great. I love having a single room. I can sleep, do homework, do whatever whenever I need to.

Out.  ¶ 12:38 AM

  I wrote this in my English class today because my teacher was talking about some way to cite sources in England (too bad we're in America, bitch).

Envelope of Darkness

It was all around him, swirling, tumbling, and whipping his body. Darkness was enveloping his sight and mind. The coldness from the surroundings numbing his extremities and weakened his resolve. His ears throbbed, the pressure causing a mild pain. He had no idea which way was up. Severe confusion overwhelmed him and the adrenaline redoubled its efforts. The searing fire in his chest was the only thing keeping him conscious. His energy was waning, his muscles were dying. Panic was not the only just creeping into his mind; it had completely engulfed it into the blackness of oblivion, past the point of rescue. Movements became desperate, uncoordinated, and hurried. He felt as if he was being closed in, sealed in.
He broke the envelope. Coughing and sputtering, he greedily sucked in what felt like the first breath of his life.   ¶ 2:36 PM

  I'm f*cking sick. I cannot taste anything. I just ate some Cheez-it Twisters (the cheesy blue and hot wings flavor) and I thought I was chewing the packing peanuts that came with my Easter basket (the one my mom sent me.....awww.....how tweet). I've been trying to get a ton of Vitamin C, but nothing has flavor, so I have lost my normal urge of doing nothing but eating. Hopefully, tomorrow will be more taste-filled. Because I hate expecting an awesome flavor or at least something good and getting the taste of old newspapers instead.

I did homeworkfor a good portion of today. Took a break to go see Peter Pan with Katie. Decent movie. A little strange and a little sad, but overall, pretty good.

F*CK SCHOOL!!! I am tired of homework and papers and BS homework. I know that came out of nowhere, but that's what is on my mind right now. I hate stupid assignments that waste my time. I hate wasting money and getting a $hitty grade. Damn.

Out.  ¶ 11:38 PM

  So to explain what we did yesterday:

We went out to eat brunch. I got a yummy meal, instead of the crap at the dining hall here. Then we went to the mall to play dress up. I got to pick a store and clothes for Katie to try on and she did the same for me. Actually pretty fun. Then we snuck into the Holiday Inn and went swimming in their pool. LOL. That was so easy to do. No one even looked twice at us. We just walked in and jumped in the pool. Then we went out to eat dinner at a good Chinese restaurant. After that, we watched all 3 American Pie movies. Funny stuff.

But now I'm sick. Ugh. I hate being sick. All clogged up and everything. AHHHHH!!! I hate it.

Out.  ¶ 10:16 AM

  BEST 6 MONTHS EVER!!!

Highest highs, lowest lows. The creamy middles. But on the whole, it's been the most memorable and best 6 months of my life. I have felt things I have never felt before. I have had tears of sadness and happiness. I have been content to just lay around, with her in my arms, and do nothing else. I have gone places and done things I never imagined I would do. I have woken up next the girl I care so much about. I have seen smiles, tears, and all the ones in between. I have had those myself. I have caused some of those and I have received some of them. I wish there were words for all that I feel and all that I want to say. But I feel that if I keep rambling, it kind of ruins the moment.

Thank you Katie.   ¶ 2:26 AM

  I feel I need to update. Not much going on though.

I took my chem test on Wednesday. Everybody thought they failed it, but I think I did allright.

Katie, a couple other friends, and I went to a comedy thing on Wednesday night. The lady's name was Megan Mooney. She has been on Comedy Central's Premium Blend before. She was frickin' hilarious.

Summer is coming. I can feel it. There will be good and there will be bad. The good is the beach and freedom (when I'm not the bitch-boy at a golf course, cleaning clubs and stuff). The bad will be no Katie. Cept maybe for one week.....the week my family goes to the beach. Yay. That would be awesome. I think she would have a good time. I hope so anyways. Damn, summer will be hard. I don't know how you and Jen do it, Alex. *Hats off to you guys.* I mean, I know Katie and I can do it, it's just going to suck not being able to be around her for a couple months. Sad.

Closing on a bright note, I like sleep. Oh yeah, and I hit golf balls today. Knocked the living $hit out of a few. Now I hope I can still putt..........

Out.  ¶ 1:44 AM

  Oh my God, I am going to shoot my cell phone. I set the alarm clock for 8:05 this morning, and it went off at 8:05. But somehow, it set itself to Chicago time, which is one hour ahead of where I am. So I got up and got ready for class at 7:05. Goddamnit. I'm an idiot. And I didn't realize that it wasn't even 8:00 until I went upstairs to see if Katie was ready for class. She was still in bed, like I should have been. GODDAMNIT!!! I hate my cellphone. It cost me a full hour of sleep.

Oh yeah, and last night, I woke up at 4:30 with a horrible bloody nose. I don't understand how I can get them in my sleep.

I have my chem test today. I failed the practice test. Even with 4 people taking it, we still couldn't figure out half the problems. It shouldn't be that hard.....it's chemistry for Pete's sake. Oh well.

I got checked out on my way to breakfast this morning. Haha. Since when does Rico get checked out? What the hell? And just in case you guys think I had any ideas, I didn't. I actually thought about Katie when I this girl was looking at me (and that I wish it had been Katie and not this girl).

Out.

P.S. Katie- sorry for waking you up early. I'm a dumbass who can't read clocks.  ¶ 7:45 AM

  Ah yes, the joy of having no English class tomorrow (today really). I love that. On the crappy side, I have to go to some conference on Friday about English. Ugh. One and a half hours of BS. And Wednesdays are bad anyhow, considering that I usually have class from 9 to 5, with one 1 hour break for lunch.

Things are getting better. Hearts are mending, feelings of anger or sadness or disappointment or hurt are changing back to happiness and security. Yay.

I'm still working my way through The Stand, by Stephen King. Getting better by the page. All 1100 of them. I'm on about 800-something. Long way to go still, but it's pretty promising so far. Much better than that piece of $hit Waverley that I had to read for English. And speaking of that piece of crap, I have to write a research paper on a place that occurs for one line on one page of the book. How f*cking useless of an assignment is that? Glamis Castle. Yay. It is indirectly mentioned in one goddamned sentence of that whole worthless book.

Out.  ¶ 1:00 AM

  AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I hate studying. Why can't my brain just be a tape recorder during lectures and why can't I have absolutely perfect photographic memory? I think my tape got erased and my camera's out of film. I can't seem to remember anything for my chem test. Grrrr..........

Out.  ¶ 2:35 PM

  I went to see 50 First Dates yesterday. Good movie. Classic Adam Sandler. Very similar plot and such to The Wedding Singer, but still good.

Nothing else new. I have another chem test coming up. Ugh. I actually have to study for these bad boys. I got a C on my latest Philosophy paper. Oh well. With the teacher's stupid grading system, I can get C's on everything and pull out an A. :D

I just got done laying in the sun foran hour or so. My back is fairly well tanned, but my chest is still lily white. Damn. Guess I need to even that crap out.

Out.  ¶ 4:48 PM

  OK, things do seem to be looking up. Yay. I think we can make it through. Whew. That was a rough 24 hours. I know there has been a lot of entries pissing and moaning about how crappy I feel, and sorry that I'm not really going to elaborate on all that happened. Just know that things seem better.

Today, my friend and I took the second Cell Bio take home test. Holy $hit. That test blew. I might have known 3 answers without a friend, book, or notes. That does not bode well for the final. Not at all. AHHHH!!! You guys should read some of these questions. Oh my God.
"Briefly outline the primary differences between the control of transcription in procaryotes and eucaryotes. What is the role of the general transcription factors? Why is it possible for enhancer sequences to be thousands of bases away from the promoter?"
"What happens if you remove the 3' OH groups from all of the nucleotides provided as substrates for a DNA synthesis reaction? Explain."


Bush Shoot Out
Ah yes. The joy of shooting some terrorist asses. LOL. Somewhat amusing game.

Out.  ¶ 1:27 AM

  I'm thinking of ending my journal. I know that's kind of sad, but I realize that this online journal crap just creates tension and problems between people. It obviously didn't help Katie and me. F*ck. I really want it to work out, but I can't seem to keep my big mouth closed. I can't seem to say anything except the exact wrong thing. I am an asshole. A bad person. I'm sorry Katie. I love you. I can't hide it any longer. I don't want to date anyone else, I have no interest. I'm sorry everything has turned out this way.

From the first time you told me you loved me, I felt love. I felt happiness. I felt you. Now, I don't know what I feel. Confusion, isolation, despair, hopelessness? Maybe. I don't know. I wish I could keep my big mouth closed sometimes. I wish I wasn't rude to you about all this. I can't help the person I am, nor can I change that person. I'm Rico Lynn Pelazini. I can't be anybody else; I don't know how to be someone else. So if you're bored with Rico, I guess it's time to move on (God, that hurts). If you don't love me anymore, then there's probably nothing left besides friendship. I mean, I love you, but if it's not mutual, then it's basically nothing.

I'm sorry if I made this seem all about me. I know you're going through it too. Probably worse for you, because you're hurting yourself and me. I wish I could feel some empathy for you, but right now, I can't. I can't see past myself. I think we both have that problem. I think if we can get past that, we still can make it work. Please, let's give it a shot.

Out.  ¶ 12:12 PM

  Well, $hitty. I wanted to do a bunch of homework today, but I'm getting absolutely nothing accomplished. I wish I could turn off my brain. I wish I could stop thinking about her. I wish I could stop the emotions. I wish I didn't feel what I feel. I wish I were happy like I was about two weeks ago or so. Weird how fast it can all change. One day, you hold the world in the palm of your hand and you feel magnificent. The next day, you feel like something you would flush down the toilet. And then you're left wondering what the f*ck happened. Like I am right now. I don't understand anything right now.

"Tin Man" by Kenny Chesney

Saw a man in the movies that didn't have a heart.
How I wish I could give him mine.
Then I wouldn't have to feel it breaking all apart.
And this emptiness inside would suit me fine.

It's times like these,
I wish I were a tin man.
You could hurt me all you wanted,
And I'd never even know.
I'd give anything,
Just to be the tin man,
And I wouldn't have a heart,
And I wouldn't need a soul.

I couldn't see your leavin' comin',
You took me by surprise.
Even now it still seems like a dream.
But I know I can't be dreamin',
'Cos as I lay down each night,
The pain so great that it won't let me sleep.

It's times like these,
I wish I were a tin man.
You could hurt me all you wanted,
And I'd never even know.
I'd give anything,
Just to be the tin man,
And I wouldn't have a heart,
And I wouldn't need a soul.

Well, I'd give anything,
Just to be the tin man,
And I wouldn't have a heart,
And I wouldn't miss you so.

I hope everything can work itself out. I really want it to. I just don't know if it can though. I feel like we're both giving up hope. I feel like we're letting go. I don't want to, but it feels just the same.

:'(

Out.  ¶ 9:38 AM

  Katie-
I'm sorry. I don't know what happened to us. I can't stand this. You mean a lot to me. You know that. So why would you lead me on? What good does that do? That just hurts more. I can understand if you don't feel the same, but why lead me on? Why let me live in oblivion? I mean, am I not a nice person? Do I not deserve to hear what you're really feeling? I need to know what the hell is happening. Please talk to me. Please say something. Let me know what I can do, what we can do. I want this to work out. I want to be with you and no one else. Please don't think I should see other people. I don't want to.
I wish we could go back to the way it was a long time ago, but we really can't. I know that's what you liked. I liked it too, but it doesn't have to be gone. I didn't think it really vanished. And personally, I thought love was better than a crush. I still think love is better. But maybe I was/am wrong. Maybe I was wrong about everything. I don't know. I don't think I've changed, but I must have. Just let me know what I can do. I'm so goddamned confused and frustrated right now. I'm lost. What is going on?

"Say Anything" by Good Charlotte

Here I am on
The phone again, and
Awkward silence is
On the other end
I used to know the sound
Of a smile in your voice
But right now (right now)
All I feel (All I feel)
Is the pain of the fighting
Starting up again

All the things we talk about
You know they stay on my mind
On my mind
All the things we laugh about
They'll bring us through it every time
After time after time

Don't say a word
I know you feel the same
Just give me a sign
Say anything, say anything
Please don't walk away
I know you wanna stay
Just give me a sign
Say anything, say anything

Some say that
Time changes
Best friends can
Become strangers
But I don't want that
No, not for you
If you just stay with me, we can make it through
So Here we are again
The same old argument
And now I'm wonderin'
If things'll ever change, yeah
When will you laugh again?
Laugh like you did back when
We'd make noise til 3 AM and the neighbors would complain

All the things we talk about
You know they stay on my mind
On my mind
All the things we laugh about
They'll bring us through it every time
After time after time

Don't say a word
I know you feel the same
Just give me a sign
Say anything, say anything
Please don't walk away
I know you wanna stay
Just give me a sign
Say anything, say anything

I'm fallin'
I'm fallin'
I'm fallin' down
I'm fallin'
I'm fallin'
I'm fallin' down
Down
Down
Down

Don't say a word
I know you feel the same
Just give me a sign
Say anything, say anything
Please don't walk away
I know you wanna stay
If you'll just give me a sign
Say anything, say anything

Don't say a word (Please don't leave)
I know you feel the same
Just give me a sign
Say anything, say anything
Please don't walk away (Please don't leave)
I know you wanna stay
Just give me a sign
Say anything, say anything


OK, here's my poem:

Tears stream down,
All alone and my own.
No one there to hold me,
No one here, silently
Crying myself to sleep.
Wounds run deep,
Scars might fade over time,
But always live on in rhyme.
  ¶ 7:30 PM

 

I posted 9 pictures on my album; they are the last nine on the site. Enjoy.

Out.  ¶ 11:15 AM

  Another day, another blog. I don't really have much to post, but I feel I should post something. Hmmm......

My English teacher wants us to take in another postcard with a 23 cent stamp. God, this is the hardest 4th grade class I've ever taken. I mean, the material and the stuff we do is so simplistic that a 4th grader could do it, but the teacher grades like a bitch. She still expects us to improve our writing with postcards. Stupid.

Katie and I went out to eat tonight to a nice place. We even got all dressed up. I may post a pic from that tomorrow, along with some random pics that I've taken lately. Anyways, we had some good food, then strolled around Old Town Pocatello for a little while. The only blemish on the evening was a couple piles of puke we saw during our walk on Main Street. Ugh. Gross, gross, gross. But all in all, a great evening. She and I will be coming up on six months together next month, about the 10th or so. Yay for probably the best 6 months of my life!

Well, it's warming up and you know what that means.....pit stains! Yay! Oh God. Anyways, I'm trying to wear sandals and basketball shorts and light shirts, but I can tell they're coming. $hitty.

Out.  ¶ 12:46 AM